I’ll put a couple of disclaimers on the table before I start my rant. I do not like Dunkin Donuts. Their commercials are sometimes entertaining, but the chain is a cancer on our landscape that is inexorably spreading with no cure in sight That presents a bias for which I have no excuse. But I also hate Starbuck’s, so that makes me an Equal Opportunity Griper.
Second, I don’t even like coffee, so in that sense I have no bias. You work it out.
News item: Dunkin Donuts has filed a claim to trademark the phrase “Best Coffee in America”. This pushes the limits of bombast. Never mind that there is no way to objectively measure what the “best coffee in America” truly is. Never mind that DD can’t even lay claim to the title “favorite coffee of America.” Starbuck’s routinely beats them. Even McDonald’s has been ahead of them in some polls. If even McDonald’s beats you, you haven’t got a lot going for you.
Suppose all of the aforementioned logic was dismissed, as logic often is in lawsuits, you’d still have the problem of tastes shifting over time. And new products are being introduced all the time. If DD gets their wish, can they prevent a “better” coffee from being offered because they bought the title?
Like I needed another reason to hate Dunkin Donuts.
This is the worst such action since the Rolling Stones’ Bill Wyman had his lawyer send “cease and desist” orders to all people with the name “Bill Wyman” so they would stop using his name. Never mind that “Bill Wyman” is not his real name.
Like I needed another reason to hate the Rolling Stones.
If these kinds of efforts are successful, where will it lead? Anyone can claim to be anything to the exclusion of all others and no one can do anything about it without a protracted lawsuit. (Aren’t they all protracted?)
If that happens, I wish to be known – all evidence to the contrary – as “The Best Writer in America”©.
Like I need another reason for people to hate me.