Warning: Yet another silly post, just cuz.
Last week, I passed a momentous life milestone. No point dwelling on it (or ‘fessing up the details) but it got me to thinking about some important decisions that need to be faced up to eventually by every male as they age. Not “What will I do with my life?” or “How will I spend my latter years such that I leave a lasting legacy of justice and honor?”
No, this is the really important stuff.
First: What to do with the hair?
It’s a tough call. The bald look is very popular and some people – Bruce Willis, for example, one of its earliest champions – has done quite well by it, thank you very much.
But letting nature take its course with Male Pattern Baldness is a kind of hip, back-to-nature statement that others have been able to pull off with no negative repercussions.
And the comb-over, well, the less said, the better. No one can pull off the comb-over.
Second: How to wear the pants?
High or low? Yank the belt up or lose it under the gut? Do I really want to look like either of these guys? The only acceptable solution is to get rid of the gut so the belt can rest where it oughtta be. But that takes effort, commitment, and self-denial. Who the heck has the energy for all that as he ages? And it takes time we might not have.
There are other critical decisions, some shared with the fairer sex: coloring hair, admitting age to get discounts, getting hearing aids, and the like. At my age, I just can’t remember them all.