Even though this year’s Sochi “Invasion-Distraction” Winter Olympic games are over, we’re still in the middle of the Neverending-Winter Olympics here in lovely New England. That’s the good news in this otherwise depressing winter that seems like it might drag into June. Here’s a look at one of the premier events in the Neverending-Winter Olympics.
This winter’s Olympic-scale potholes tax the skills of every participant, from novice to seasoned pro. Only the best of the best will make it to the medal platform in one piece. The rest will end up in the shop, replacing their wheel rims and suspensions or aligning their front ends… or rear ends (ouch!).
Even if the competitors manage to avoid the canyon-depth chasms (I think I saw a team of burros descending into one) they’re bound to head into oncoming cars attempting to avoid the holes on their side of the road.
The fan favorites are the innocent pools of water that could be just inch-deep puddles, but could also disguise an inland Marianas Trench in their depths. Oops! Don’t want to guess wrong on that one!
Other events to look for this year:
The “Car-to-Sidewalk Long Jump” as athletes try to leap over slush, mud, and gutter hazards.
The “Thaw-induced Treasure Recovery”, as three-month-old drifts dissipate to reveal long lost items, such as toys, cars, and missing pets. (This event could be cancelled if, as appears to be possible, there is no thaw.)
The “Pale Skin” competition always “heats up” (pun intended) this time of year as faces that haven’t been exposed to sunlight in several months begin to resemble newly bleached bedsheets. Where does that pigment go?
Stay tuned, sports fans. Spring is on its way…